


UNTITLED

by yoonouji



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-13 00:07:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14738352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoonouji/pseuds/yoonouji
Summary: Jihoon and Soonyoung have been together for 5 years. Soonyoung asks Jihoon to meet him for one last time. Thinking their relationship has reached a dead end, Jihoon believes Soonyoung is going to break up with him already.





	1. Chapter 1

Jihoon misses Soonyoung so much but he can’t say it. He has not heard from him ever since it happened. Just when he was about to lose hope already, he receives the message he has been waiting for.

 

Jihoon looked at his phone clock – it’s already 2 PM. He needs to leave already to meet Soonyoung. It will take him around 20 minutes to reach Chungmuro station. From there, he will hop on the shuttle bus. But instead of taking the cable car, he will just walk going up to the park.

Jihoon takes one last look at his house. By the time he returns home, everything will be different already. Jihoon has long expected it. After all, they have been together for five years. Jihoon thinks he has held Soonyoung long enough from all the opportunities life has to offer to Soonyoung.

 

 

xxxxxx

_Jihoon has always never been good with words.Ever since he was little, he has always had difficulty in expressing what he feels. Hence, he always tries to make up for them through his actions. Jihoon is really thankful for Soonyoung for he has always been around to help him all this time._

_Jihoon met Soonyoung in kindergarten. Unlike the gloomy Jihoon, Soonyoung was always as bright as the sun. Others always took interest in Jihoon for his cute face but always tend to lose it right away for he did not speak that much._

_This made other children envious of Jihoon, nonetheless. One day, Jihoon found all his locker open and all his artworks thrown into the trash bin. Jihoon did not bother telling it to his teacher. When lunch time came, Jihoon couldn’t find his lunchbox. Just as he was about to go back to his seat, Jihoon heard someone screaming from outside their classroom._

_“You bully! Just because you’re big does not mean you can already take advantage of other people,” said by the fat kid as he kicked the taller kid on the stomach._

_Jihoon found his lunchbox just near them. It did not take a long time for Jihoon to realize what happened. The fat kid was defending him. What was his name again? Soonyoung?_

_Upon the teacher’s arrival, Jihoon immediately approached her. “Teacher, Soonyoung did not do anything bad. He was just defending me.”_

_The taller kid was called to the principal’s office while on that day, Jihoon made his very first friend._

_“Hey, in exchange for doing that, you can have my lunch,” Jihoon said as he offered his lunchbox to the fat kid._

_“Nah, eat it! It’s yours. You’re really small you know. You need to get taller so you won’t get bullied by others already A thank you will already be enough.”_

_“A thank you? I did not ask you to do that for me. And just so you know, you’re not the tall.” Jihoon either._

_The fat kid just chuckled. “Hmmm ok, how about we just eat our lunch together?”_

_“Fine. What’s your name again?”_

_“Soonyoung. Jihoon right? Can I call you Ji?”_

_“Ji??? No way. Ok, Soonyoung let’s go. The school bell might ring already.”_

_After a few days, their teacher asked them to draw their best friend. Jihoon was never good at drawing. That is also why the fact that someone threw his artworks away did not bother him._

_Incidentally, it was his birthday that day. It became a habit of the two to walk home together and go their separate ways by the time they reach the playground which was the midpoint of their houses. Before saying their goodbyes, Soonyoung grabbed Jihoon’s hand._

_“Ji, Happy birthday,” Soonyoung blushed as he handed a folded paper to Jihoon._

_Jihoon opened the paper. It was a stick drawing of Soonyoung and him. Jihoon smiled as he thought the drawing really looked funny._

_After seeing Jihoon’s reaction, Soonyoung ran as fast as he could and shouted, “See you tomorrow, Ji!”_

_~_

_On the day of Soonyoung’s birthday, Jihoon hid himself behind the door as he watched Soonyoung open the blue box he secretly inserted inside the birthday boy’s locker. A big smile formed on Soonyoung’s face upon seeing the sketch pad and colored pencils._

_“Ji! I know you’re here,” Soonyoung called out as he looked around. “Thank you so much You’re the best!”_

_As Soonyoung was already approaching the door, Jihoon pushed Soonyoung and ran away. Unlike ordinary times, Jihoon was smiling._

_~_

_Jihoon and Soonyoung were still inseparable when they reached primary school and middle school. Jihoon’s parents were not particular with the school where he was supposed to enroll so Jihoon just enrolled wherever Soonyoung enrolled._

_Jihoon was better than Soonyoung in terms of studying. Soonyoung always had to go to Jihoon’s house whenever he does not understand something in their lessons. This was also applicable during that year they were not classmates._

_This made Soonyoung really sad. Nevertheless, they still ate together during their breaks. It will be very unusual to see one of them without the other. Jihoon cannot be Jihoon if he’s not with Soonyoung and Soonyoung cannot be Soonyoung without Jihoon._

_During term breaks, Jihoon always had to attend different kinds of lessons – piano lessons, guitar lessons, violin, etc. Soonyoung always waited for Jihoon inside his room whenever Jihoon was busy with his lessons. Most of the time, however, Jihoon was already tired to play with Soonyoung._

_Soonyoung was also that supportive friend who always attends Jihoon’s recitals whenever his parents can’t. Soonyoung always made sure to sit and front so his best friend can see him. After every performance, Soonyoung always goes to the backstage and hands a bouquet of flowers. “Congratulations, Ji.”_

_~_

_By the time they reached high school, the gap between Soonyoung and Jihoon’s height increased and Soonyoung was really proud of himself. He tried to be discreet about it, however, because he knew that Jihoon was really insecure about his height. Unfortunately, they did not become classmates anymore since sections were arranged according to academic standing._

_For the first time in his life, Jihoon gained new friends aside from Soonyoung through the school’s music club. Jihoon was able to meet students who had the same interests as him through Jeonghan, Joshua, Seokmin and Seungkwan. Soonyoung was genuinely happy for Jihoon. It was also during that time Soonyoung was able to discover his love for dancing._

_Unfortunately, term breaks became a busy time fo them as well due to inter-school competitions. They always made sure, however, to watch each other’s performance whenever they’re available. Unlike Soonyoung, Jihoon does not go to the backstage because he was too shy. He just sends a message to Soonyoung congratulating him and apologizing for having to early due to an important matter._

_Due to conflicts in their schedules, their time for each other indeed lessened. Jihoon always missed Soonyoung whenever he finds himself walking home alone. Jihoon just couldn’t walk with any friend other than Soonyoung. It was also during that time Jihoon knew Soonyoung was different from his other friends. He was special._

_On the day of Soonyoung’s seventeenth birthday, Jihoon asked Soonyoung to meet him on the rooftop during lunch time._

_“Hi, Ji. It’s been a while since we ran into each other.” Soonyoung said shyly._

_“You know why I asked you to come up here, Kwon Soonyoung.” Jihoon retorted while rolling his eyes. However, the expression on Jihoon’s face changed as he approached Soonyoung._

_“Happy birthday, Soonie.” Jihoon greeted Soonyoung, placing his arms around the taller boy’s back. “I missed you.”_

_Soonyoung was surprised at his best friend’s act for he knew that Lee Jihoon is allergic to human contact. Nonetheless, Soonyoung just abandoned such thought and took advantage of the situation by embracing Jihoon back. The two just remained like that for a few minutes._

_“My gift is over there.” Jihoon pointed to the red paper bag placed on top of one of the benches. “I still have to meet Jeonghan hyung, bye!”_

_Soonyoung walked to the bench and opened the paper bag. Inside was a shoe box. Jihoon gave Soonyoung shoes for dancing. Soonyoung thought though that the hug would have been enough already as his birthday gift for, just like Jihoon, he also did miss him a lot._

_~_

_Jihoon had his first secret admirer when he reached third year. Jihoon opened his locker and found a white envelope inside.The letter did not indicate from whom it was, but Jihoon was sure about the owner of the handwriting. The letters kept on coming as the days passed._

_Unlike other ordinary love letters which serve as expression of love, the letters were more like diary entries. The sender talked about a lot of mundane things and how his days went. He also mentioned that he thinks that classmate of Jihoon, Seokmin, was into his best friend. At the end of every letter, however, the he does not fail to say how much he misses Jihoon and how happy he is every time he gets to see the recipient of the letter in school._

_One day, Jihoon received a text message instead of a letter, asking him to go to the rooftop. Upon Jihoon’s arrival, the person he was expecting to see was there._

_“Sorry, Jihoon. It took me a while to realize my feelings. Imagine how old we are right now.” Soonyoung said in a calm manner as he scratched his head._

_“You’re really a fool, Kwon Soon-” Soonyoung pulled Jihoon into a hug before he was able to finish his sentence._

_“Will you go out with me, Jihoon?”_

_“Yes.” Jihoon whispered as the two tightened their embrace._

_~_

_Jihoon was busy with final exams when Soonyoung invited him to go to Namsan Tower. Jihoon does not really like going out but Jihoon thought nothing was wrong about it until he met Soonyoung with a big smile plastered on his face at the entrance near the cable car. It just dawned on Jihoon what going to the said place meant._

_Jihoon tried to ignore such thought as he looked at the view outside while the cable car ascended. The sky had a mixture of yellow, orange, red and blue as the sun was already about to set. It was beautiful, but the face of the boy standing beside him holding his hand was more beautiful._

_Jihoon kind of felt annoyed as they approached their destination for Soonyoung kept on smiling. By the time they reached the famous blue bench, Jihoon spoke._

_“Bring it out already. Don’t tell me you’ve written something on it already. Give me the marker as well.” Jihoon said._

_Soonyoung felt embarrassed as he slowly took out the blue padlock and marker inside his bag and handed them to his boyfriend._

_Jihoon carefully uncapped the marker and placed the padlock on one of his palms._

_“Jihoon loves Soonyoung” Jihoon immediately closed the cap and returned the padlock and the marker to Soonyoung._

_Jihoon has never seen Soonyoung that happy. Thereafter, Soonyoung checked his surroundings to see if there were other people aside from them. Jihoon sighed as knew what Soonyoung was doing._

_With an annoyed expression, Jihoon placed his arm around the taller boy’s neck and kissed him. The kiss was short but very meaningful. Jihoon has always looked at Soonyoung lips and during that time, he was able to confirm that they were indeed soft as marshmallows. That was Jihoon’s first kiss._

_Jihoon knew Soonyoung fully well for Soonyoung was his world, except that he never said it. Jihoon did all of his “firsts” with Soonyoung. He also hoped that he could also do with him his “lasts.”_

xxxxxx

 

Today is indeed different for Jihoon is carrying a bag with him. Jihoon does not really use bags for he really hates carrying them around and he only needs to bring his phone and wallet on that day.

Jihoon checked the contents of his bag to see whether he was able to bring the things he needed. Inside his bag was a hammer placed inside a trash bag and the box where he kept Soonyoung’s drawing from kindergarten and all of his letters to him.


	2. Chapter 2

Is Jihoon really ready to let go of Soonyoung already? His heart tells him he is not. In fact, Jihoon cannot live without Soonyoung but he has to be strong for Soonyoung. Hence, it is not a question of whether he is ready or not. It is he _should_ be ready no matter how painful it will be. Jihoon has to stop being selfish already. Soonyoung has his own life which he has to live in his, own in the fullest.

Unlike what he expected, the bus had a lot of empty rows. Jihoon sat at the back most seat of the shuttle bus. Jihoon looked outside the window. It seemed like the gloomy weather was cooperating with Jihoon’s feelings. Jihoon looked at the empty seat beside him. “This is how my life is supposed to be. I do not deserve Soonyoung,” he thought to himself.

xxxxx

_Jihoon is staring at Soonyoung as the latter tries to read the acceptance letter he is holding. Soonyoung’s expression was neither happy nor sad. His expression though made it seem like he was in deep thinking. Jihoon felt impatient and started to speak up, “Soonie?”_

_Soonyoung turned his head to Jihoon. “Oh, sorry.”_

_Jihoon suddenly felt nervous for Soonyoung. “Uhm, so what does it say?”_

_“I passed.” Soonyoung replied in a deadpan tone which was immediately followed by a sigh._

_“Oh my god, Soonie. I’m so proud of you. Come here, let me hug you.”Jihoon said as he signaled Soonyoung to lie on his bed with him. Without any hesitation, Soonyoung stood from his seat and sat on Jihoon’s bed. Jihoon wrapped his arms around Soonyoung’s shoulders while the latter rested his head on Jihoon’s chest. “What’s the problem?”_

_“I don’t want to be away from you, Jihoonie.” Soonyoung tightened his embrace._

_“Kwon Soonyoung, haven’t we talked about this? It’s the top dancing school in South Korea we’re talking about here.” Jihoon pointed out as he started to rub Soonyoung’s back to comfort him._

_“Why does it have to be outside Seoul?”_

_Jihoon gulped as he heard Soonyoung’s words. The truth is, Jihoon does not want to be away from Soonyoung as well. If only he could lock Soonyoung inside his room forever, he would. But Jihoon is not the possessive or selfish type. He understands how important it is for Soonyoung to reach his dreams._

_Jihoon kissed Soonyoung’s forehead. “Soonie, isn’t this your dream?” Jihoon cupped Soonyoung’s cheeks with both of his hands. “Look, we can still see each other OK? Once a week? Once a month?”_

_Jihoon started to feel nauseous as he came to realize what he said. He just blurted out those words without thinking about what they really meant. He cannot even stand a day not seeing Soonyoung._

_Jihoon looked at Soonyoung. His boyfriend was already in the verge of tears but Jihoon cannot help but stare at Soonyoung’s luscious lips. Jihoon licked his own lips andplaced his right arm around Soonyoung’s neck. He softly planted a kiss on the other’s very tempting lips as he closed his eyes._

_One kiss, however was not enough. Jihoon slowly gave more kisses to Soonyoung. To Jihoon’s relief, Soonyoung started to responded to his kisses. Their kisses became deeper as Soonyoung pulled Jihoon’s torso closer to his .with his hands, clumsily caressing Jihoon’s back. Jihoon moaned at Soonyoung’s action._

_The two pulled away for a while. This time, it was Soonyoung who cupped Jihoon’s cheeks, “I love you so much, Lee Jihoon.” Soonyoung did not even give Jihoon time to give his response. This time, he kissed Jihoon on the mouth. Soonyoung licked Jihoon’s lips, begging for entrance. Jihoon gladly accepted his request. Their kisses started to become rougher as both tried to pull each other as close as they could._

_Soonyoung shifted his head’s position and started peppering Jihoon’s neck with kisses while his left hand entered Jihoon’s shirt from behind. Jihoon flinched at the warmth of Soonyoung’s hand. “I love you soo much too, Soonie,” Jihoon said in his mind as he ruffled with the other’s hair._

_Using his left hand, Soonyoung gently led Jihoon’s back to the bed while his lips made its way back to Jihoon’s. The two kissed passionately while Soonyoung transferred his weight to his knees straddling Jihoon while the other placed both of his arms around Soonyoung’s neck, pulling Soonyoung to him once again. Soonyoung’s knees started to feel weak. Soonyoung pulled away as he grasped for air and looked at the face of the boy under him. “Jihoonie, you’re so beautiful.”_

_Jihoon pulled Soonyoung into a very tight embrace._

_“I wish we could stay like this forever,” Soonyoung said._

_~_

_Jihoon dropped his overnight bag and his guitar beside one of the single beds. The dormitory room was very plain with white painted walls. Jihoon looked at the other bed which stood across his. He wondered what kind of person his roommate will be? He was not really the type to get along right away with anyone._

_Apart from having to sleep with a stranger in the same room, Jihoon also had to face the challenge of eating by himself and taking a bath in a public shower. In spite the fact that his family can afford renting out an apartment for him, Jihoon refused his parents’ offer since the scholarship he got from the music school included also free lodging._

_Jihoon thought about Soonyoung. Jihoon misses Soonyoung big time but he does not want to disturb Soonyoung. Soonyoung’s university started their classes a week earlier than Jihoon’s. Hence, he has a lot of adjustment to go through just like Jihoon._

_Jihoon tried to recall the moment he found out that Soonyoung did not choose the top dancing school. He instead went with the second best, reasoning out that the living expenses were too pricy. The lump in Jihoon’s throat disappeared after hearing Soonyoung’s words. He felt guilty, nevertheless, because he knew in his heart what Soonyoung’s real reason was – he really cannot stand being that far away from Jihoon._

_The dorm room suddenly opened to Jihoon’s surpirse, “Lee Jihoon?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“I’ll be your roommate. Choi Seungcheol, second year.”_

_“Lee Jihoon.” Jihoon tried his best to flash a smile to his smiling senior._

_Seungcheol dropped his bag on the chair in front of the study table beside the other bed. “Just tell me if you need anything, OK? Anything about the dorm, the professors, etc. I’ll be willing to help you.”_

_“Thanks, hyung. I’d really appreciate that.”_

_Jihoon felt relieved. It was a good thing his roommate seemed the type to initiate conversations first. It was not Jihoon’s forte. Jihoon did not have that much things as he planned to bring them by batch every time he goes home during the weekends. Jihoon fell asleep a few minutes after he closed his closet._

_Someone woke up Jihoon, “Jihoon.”_

_“Hmmm? Ah, sorry, hyung.”_

_“It’s already time for dinner. The cafeteria’s about to close already. Aren’t you going to eat?”_

_Jihoon got up and looked at his surroundings. It was already dark. He looked at his phone to checked his phone. It was already 8PM. He ended up sleeping for 4 hours. He also had 10 missed calls and 15 messages._

_“Your phone has been ringing non-stop during the past two hours. Is that your girlfriend?”_

_Jihoon was taken aback by Seungcheol’s question,”Uhm, no, no. None.”_

_“Ahhh,” Seungcheol smiled. “Well if that’s your mom, maybe you should give her a call already.”_

_“Y-yes, that might be a good idea. Excuse me.”_

_Jihoon went out of their room and made his way to the entrance of the dorm building. He checked his call logs and dialed the number of the perpetrator._

_“Hello? Ji??” the voice on the phone answered._

_“Soonie…”_

_“Are you okay? What happened to you? How’s your dorm?”_

_“I’m fine. Got here in the afternoon then I fell asleep. I’m so sorry.”_

_“You don’t have to say sorry my little baby.”_

_Jihoon blushed. Good thing Soonyoung was not there to witness it._

_“Have you eaten dinner already? Don’t skip meals OK?”_

_“Yes, mom.” Jihoon answered in a mocking tone._

_“Jihoonie, I love you.” Soonyoung whispered._

_“Me too,” Jihoon responded. “Soonie, I miss you so much.”_

_~_

_Jihoon looked at his phone. It’s already 10:10 AM. Jihoon and Soonyoung agreed to meet at the train station but Soonyoung is nowhere to be seen yet. Jihoon yawned. He ended up sleeping at 4AM. He was too excited see Soonyoung although he tried his best to hide it by telling his boy friend that he was able to get enough sleep as he greeted him good morning through text._

_Just as Jihoon was about to dial Soonyoung’s number, someone hugged him from the back. “I missed you so much, Ji.”Jihoon looked at the familiar arms wrapped around his abdomen. Jihoon tried to free himself but he immediately gave up after Soonyoung tightened his embrace. “I missed you so much too, you know.” Jihoon whispered._

_After almost a minute and despite the weird looks they got from the passers-by, Soonyoung freed Jihoon already. Jihoon turned around to look at Soonyoung. The taller boy’s cheeks looked hollow unlike the last time they met. “Soonyoung, you lost weight.”_

_“Yeah, I did. But it looks like you lost more though.” Soonyoung commented as he took a closer look at Jihoon. Aside from the fact that he lost weight, Jihoon’s eyebags looked more visible as well._

_“Are you sure you’ve been eating well, Ji? It’s just been as week but it already seems like you did not eat for a whole month.” Soonyoung asked with a worried look._

_Jihoon looked down to avoid Soonyoung’s gaze as he did not have a good answer to give Soonyoung._

_“Uhm, Soonie...Can we go already?”_

_“Right, we should go ahead already. I’ll feed you with a meal worth of three months’ food.”_

_Jihoon laughed at Soonyoung’s remark. “Silly.”_

_Jihoon held onto Soonyoung’s hand and pulled him. “Let’s go. You still need to go home early.”_

_Jihoon toured Soonyoung around the campus. Soonyoung has never seen a lot music rooms until that day. Soonyoung looked at each room with amazement and Jihoon found it really cute. Unfortunately, Jihoon cannot show Soonyoung their dorm room since visitors were only allowed to enter the receiving room._

_The couple chose to eat outside since Jihoon’s taste buds already need a break from cafeteria food._

_“Jihoonie, how’s your roommate?”_

_“Hmmm…he’s nice. Well, he looks...nice.”_

_“More good-looking that me?”_

_“Hmmmm” Jihoon tried to think hard. “You can say that he is appealing.”_

_Soonyoung dropped his chopsticks. “Is he your type?”_

_Jihoon choked on his boyfriend’s question. Soonyoung poured water to Jihoon’s cup and handed it to him while avoiding his gaze as he felt embarrassed by his question._

_“Listen Kwon Soonyoung,” Jihoon called Soonyoung’s attention. “You’re my only type.”_

_For the second time in his entire life, Jihoon was able to witness Soonyoung become flustered. The first one was when Soonyoung gave him drawing back in kindergarten. Soonyoung covered his face with both of his hands. “Jihoonaaaaah….Don’t look at me I’m so happy….”_

_~_

_As both were busy with their respective university lives, Jihoon and Soonyoung were only able to meet only once a week. They also had to forego these weekly dates every time midterm and final examinations approached. Jihoon still made sure to contact Soonyoung whenever he had the time but exams, practical exams and practices always kept him from doing so. One time, he even failed to contact Soonyoung for four days. Jihoon’s phone kept on vibrating until it ran out of battery. Jihoon always ended up knocked out on his bed every after practice._

_By the time Jihoon was able to contact Soonyoung, their conversation did not go well. Soonyoung was pissed at Jihoon. “I was really worried about you, Ji. You could’ve texted me at least even once day you know. I’m really happy for you cause you’re there, working your ass off to reach your dreams but I hope you’ll still be able to remember at least once a day you know.”_

_Jihoon held onto the picture frame which stood on his side table. Soonyoung gave it to him right before their midterm exams. Inside it was a picture of Soonyoung and him back in high school. Soonyoung instructed Jihoon to place it on his side table in order to inform his roommate that he was already taken._

_Jihoon felt guilty for not contacting Soonyoung. While it was true that he was really busy, it was really a big struggle for Jihoon to stop himself from calling Soonyoung. He needed to concentrate on his studies, especially that he was still in first year._

_He knew that once he hears Soonyoung’s voice, he will start lose his focus and he will find himself riding the train to Soonyoung’s place. Jihoon does not want to prolong his stay anymore at uni, especially the dorm. He has always looked forward to that day he will already be free to decide for himself. If ever that day comes, the first decision he is going to make is to move in with Soonyoung. Jihoon has imagined it a lot of times in his head and he cannot help but smile like a crazy person whenever he thinks about it._

_Jihoon asked Soonyoung whether he can go to their house. Even though Soonyoung was mad, it was a request which cannot refuse and so he agreed to it. It was raining hard that night but Jihoon could not care less. By the time Jihoon arrived at their gate, he saw Soonyoung standing by the door holding an umbrella. Soonyoung opened the umbrella and ran to Jihoon was drenched by the rain. The first thing Soonyoung did was to embrace Jihoon instead of scolding him amidst the darkness of the night and the heavy downpour._

_“I’m so sorry…” Jihoon apologized as if he was already about to cry._

_“Ssshh, it’s OK Ji. Tell me, what can you say about moving in with me?”_

 

xxxxx

Jihoon alighted the shuttle bus and reached the entrance of the park. Instead of riding the cable car, he just makes a pass at the waiting area and starts to take the pathway leading to the park. Surely, this option may be more tiring but he thinks he does deserve it. Through this way, he will also be at least able to prolong the occurrence of what is supposed to happen once he meets Soonyoung – their impending break-up.

Jihoon felt tiny drops on his forehead. It was already starting to rain and unfortunately, he did not have any umbrella or jacket with him. It was Soonyoung who always brings an umbrella for them. He has always been used to having Soonyoung around him but this time, there was no one to cover his head from the rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much for this chapter since I decided that to add 2-3 more chapters.
> 
> Honestly, I think I'm being too ambitious in writing this haha.
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos'. Comments will really be much appreciated.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading :)
> 
> Stream CALL CALL CALL <3


	3. Chapter 3

xxxxx

_Jihoon could not give any answer. Instead, he just placed his arms around Soonyoung and leaned his head on the other’s chest._

_If only it was easy, Jihoon would’ve blurted out ‘yes’ or ‘sure’ with regard to Soonyoung’s offer but Jihoon is a perfectionist. It’s still too early for them to move in together. Both he and Soonyoung are just starting their respective journeys towards their dreams. He cannot let his feelings destroy their future._

_The pair just remained silent for a few minutes until Soonyoung spoke, “It’s okay Jihoon. I do understand.”_

_Thereafter, Soonyoung led Jihoon to his room. “My parents are not here. Noona is also somewhere, having a girls’ night out with her friends. I’ll get you a towel and some clothes first.”_

_Jihoon just nodded as he remained standing in front of the door and observed his surroundings. Soonyoung’s room still looks the same and it has not yet changed that much since he last went there back in high school. It was always Soonyoung who goes to their house since Jihoon does not really like going out._

_“Here,” Soonyoung said. “You know where the bathroom is, right?”_

_“Yes.” Jihoon answered._

_Jihoon clutch the towel and the change of clothes to his chest. Just as he was about to open the bathroom door, Soonyoung called him._

_“Jihoonie…”_

_“Yes?”_

_“Should I help you wash your hair? I won’t be able to handle getting rejected for the second time tonight, sorry.”_

_Jihoon blushed. “Sure.”_

_Soonyoung’s face brightened up. He gave Jihoon a light push as they both made their way to the bathroom. After getting in, Soonyoung closed the door and locked it._

_Jihoon turned his back to Soonyoung since he was not sure what kind of facial expression he was making. The atmosphere indeed felt awkward. He had a hard time pulling his wet shirt over his head._

_“Let me help you.” Soonyoung carefully held onto the shirt, pulled it over Jihoon’s head and threw it inside the laundry bin. Soonyoung stared at Jihoon for a few seconds and it made Jihoon froze._

_“You look really really thin already, damn it.”_

_“I’m so sorry…” was the only thing Jihoon could say as he pulled his pants and briefs quickly and climb into the bath tub. Jihoon sat on the tub and rested his back near the edge. This was not the first time so Jihoon had at least an idea what he should do during an awkward situation._

_“Oh well,” Soonyoung sighed as he walked near the tub as well. Soonyoung reached for the shower head and turned the knob._

_~_

_By the time the pair stepped out of the bathroom, Soonyoung was in a good mood already._

_“Jihoonie, let me dry your hair too.”_

_“Fine,” Jihoon answered as he pulled Soonyoung’s green hoodie over his head. Thereafter, he sat on Soonyoung’s bed while the other was already prepared holding a brush and blower. Jihoon did not dare to say anything while Soonyoung was just happily humming to himself cheerfully._

_“Alright, done.” Soonyoung declared as he gave Jihoon a kiss on his forehead. Soonyoung unplugged the blower and placed it together with the brush on top of his desk while Jihoon just remained where he was seated._

_“I missed you, Soonie,” Jihoon said flatly. “I’m so sorry for making you mad.”_

_Soonyoung sat beside Jihoon and leaned his head on the other’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry too,” Soonyoung said as he reached for Jihoon’s right hand and planted a kiss on its back. “Can you promise to contact me more?”_

_“You know I don’t make promises, Soonie…” Jihoon sighed. “But I can try to…well not only try. I will do it.”_

_Soonyoung smiled. “One more thing, please eat your meals properly.”_

_Jihoon sighed again. “Yes, I will.” This time, Soonyoung kissed Jihoon’s cheek._

_“By the way Soonie, how do you see yourself five years from now?”_

_“Five years from now, huh?” Soonyoung lied on his back with Jihoon’s hand, still clasped to his. “Hopefully, I’ll be living in one house with Jihoonie by then.”_

_“Same,” Jihoon whispered. “What else?”_

_“Well everyday, I’ll give you a goodbye kiss before going to work. During lunch break, I will call you and ask you how you’re doing. After work, I’ll pick you up and then we’ll walk home together.” Soonyoung said with a happy tone._

_Jihoon sighed. “How about your own future, Kwon Soonyoung? I thought you wanted to be famous choreographer.”_

_“If it’s for me, it’s really for me Ji. For now, the only thing I’m sure about is, us.” Soonyoung declared as he pulled Jihoon to lie down with him. Thereafter, Soonyoung turned on his side to have a better view of the boy beside him._

_“I’m scared of the future, Soonie. I’m scared of failing in the end.”Jihoon said._

_“Then if ever that day comes, I’ll be there to pick you up. Or better yet, I’ll be there to catch you even before you fall.” Soonyoung kissed Jihoon on the forehead again and placed his arm around the latter. “Stop worrying too much Jihoonie. Let’s face everything together. I love you so much.”_

_~_

_Jihoon tried his best to contact Soonyoung whenever he had free time. There were days when Soonyoung’s fifteen messages had only a single reply coming from Jihoon but Soonyoung was fined with that. Soonyoung always made sure to update Jihoon regarding his daily activities. Jihoon viewed reading Soonyoung’s messages as a reward for himself. Soonyoung was indeed his ‘querencia.’_

_Jihoon is not sure of what his life purpose is. The only thing he is sure about is that he loves both music and Soonyoung. Thus, he is trying his best to study hard in order to get a job which he will surely love. He is not sure where it will bring him but it is the only thing he can do for now._

_In terms of love, Jihoon finds it weird that other people think meeting their true love or that person meant for them as their ultimate life goal. There is indeed more to life than just dedicating your whole life to someone you really love. Nevertheless, he finds himself lucky because he believes that Soonyoung is the only one for him. It is only a choice between Soonyoung or not loving anyone at all. When will he be able to say, however, that he is already contented then? Jihoon is not sure. He also fears that day he will have to choose one of the two._

_Jihoon believes college is just a big hurdle which he has to jump over and pass through with Soonyoung’s hand still clasped to his at the finish line._

_Jihoon woke up really early on Soonyoung’s birthday to surprise him. By the time Soonyoung opened his eyes, he found his boyfriend sleeping soundly, clinging to him like a koala._

_“Ji?” Soonyoung tried to wake him up._

_“Mmmmm?”_

_“Why are you here? Don't you have classes?”_

_“I’m here to spoil my baby.” Jihoon answered with his eyes only half-opened. He then placed his left arm around Soonyoung and pulled the other boy closer to him. “Happy birthday Soonie…”_

_~_

 

_Jihoon opened his eyes and found himself in an unfamiliar room. The first person he saw was his roommate Choi Seungcheo but he was sure they weren’t in their room. Jihoon felt really weak. After seeing the IV, he realized where he was._

_“Seungcheol hyung…”_

_“Oh, you’re already awake,” Seungcheol stood from his seat to take a closer look at Jihoon. “Jeonghan found you, unconscious, in the third music room. The doctor said it was due to over fatigue and malnutrition.”_

_Jihoon tried to remember what happened. He was working hard on a song overnight but he cannot remember already what happened after._

_“I know that you’ve always hated whenever I nag like your mom but I don’t think I’ve ever been remiss in terms of reminding you to eat your meals properly.” Seungcheol looked at Jihoon with sad eyes. “Cola is not a a good substitute to your meals, dumbass.” Seungcheol said as he stroke Jihoon’s hair._

_The door suddenly opened. “Jihoonie…” Soonyoung who was perspiring profusely glared at Seungcheol. Seungcheol’s immediate reaction was to take a step back from the hospital bed after seeing that look on Soonyoung’s face._

_“I’ll go out first. I’ll inform the nurse that you’re awake already,” Seungcheol said as he excused himself._

_If there is another thing that is unexplainable aside from love, Jihoon thinks it’s “jealousy.” Jihoon knows Soonyoung too well that he already knew his boyfriend was jealous of his roommate Seungcheol from the very start. Soonyoung may be the cheerful type of person but he is really scary when he gets mad. Jihoon thinks it is irrational but Jihoon has an aversion to conflict so he tries not talk about his roommate but Soonyoung just keeps on asking about him. Luck may not just be on Jihoon’s side today._

_“Soonie…oh my god what day is it today? Did I just miss your competition? I’m so sorry…” Jihoon whispered as he noticed that Soonyoung was wearing a weird outfit._

_“Ssshhh, it’s OK Ji.” Soonyoung tried to catch his breath as he sat on the chair near the hospital bed. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to come right away.”_

_“It’s OK. Seungcheol hyung wa-…..” Jihoon fell quiet._

_“Yeah, that’s the problem,” Soonyoung said as he tried to wipe his sweat with a face towel. “It should’ve been me who stayed here, to take care of you…” Soonyoung sighed. “Sorry I couldn’t leave the boys.”_

_“It’s OK, Soonie. I do understand how important the competition was for you.” Jihoon said as he tried to reach for Soonyoung’s hand._

_“But you’re more important to me…”_

_Jihoon sighed also. “I missed you Soonie…”_

_~_

_Jihoon was not aware the very time he felt it until someone pointed it out to him._

_“Jihoon, are you OK?” Jeonghan asked._

_It was already 9PM but Jihoon was still in a meeting together with Jeonghan, Joshua, Seungkwan and Seokmin._

_“What?”_

_“You keep on checking your phone.” The older one pointed to his phone._

_“Hyung, you’re clenching your fist as well…” Seungkwan whispered._

_“Oh...Sorry.” Jihoon said as he placed his hand under the table._

_“Are you waiting for Soonyoung hyung’s message?” Seokmin shyly asked._

_“Yes….” Jihoon looked down to avoid his friend’s gazes._

_“Then why don’t you call him?” Joshua suggested._

_“He’s in a party. One of their noonas is hosting the party.”_

_“That noona who confessed to him?” Seokmin eyes widened._

_“Jihoon-ah, have you heard of Monsta X’s new song?” Jeonghan smirked._

_“Hmmm…Jealousy?” Jihoon nonchalantly answered and found Seungkwan and Seokmin laughing at him._

_It was not that Jihoon did not trust Soonyoung. Jihoon knew that Soonyoung was not good in terms of handling alcohol but Jihoon cannot picture him doing such wild things as implied by by his friends. “I guess this is how he feels towards Seungcheol hyung, huh?” Jihoon thought to himself._

_Maybe it is because he just loves Soonyoung too much and he is afraid of losing him to someone else. He just cannot imagine seeing another person in Soonyoung’s arms. Soonyoung is his. Period. Jihoon knows what the only solution is to this problem and so he tries to call Soonyoung before stepping in their dorm building._

_“Soonie?”_

_“Hey my little baby…”_

_“Are you drunk?”_

_Soonyoung hiccupped. “A little…Maybe..”_

_“Can I ask you something?”_

_“Yes, sure. Wait I’ll go out so I can hear you clearly.”_

_Jihoon waited for a few seconds. Based from the noise he heard through the phone, the party looked indeed big._

_“Ok, I’m already outside. What is it, Ji?”_

_Jihoon took a deep breath. “Does your offer still stand?”_

_“Which offer?”_

_“That one, about…moving…in…with…me…”_

_Jihoon could not hear anything. It was as if the line got disconnected. “Hello?”_

_“Oh…sorry. I just got surprised. It’s been more than two years you know and we’re about to graduate next year but yes, it still stands. You do know how much I want it.”_

_“Then, can we?”_

_“Yes of course.”_

_“I love you so much, Jihoonie. You don’t know how much happy I am right now.”_

_Jihoon could not see Soonyoung but he could imagine the smile on his face was. He wished he was there to kiss and embrace him._

xxxxx

The route leading to the park consisted of cemented path walks and stairs. What made Jihoon’s journey difficult was the fact that he was already drenched in rain water and the fact that his bag was heavy because of the hammer. It was as if Jihoon was being punished for what he has done and yes, he thinks he deserves it.

Jihoon never liked the rain for it always made him anxious. He has always considered the sound of heavy rainfall as noise and never as music to his ears. It annoyed Jihoon a lot. Every time it rains, Jihoon always wishes for it to end right away. Thus, it is quite ironic how important the rain is for life on earth to go on.

He sat on the bench where they agreed to meet. After giving himself a few seconds to catch his breath, he tried to observe his surroundings. No one was there except for him and the roaring thunder which kept on emphasizing how empty he felt right at that moment. He thought it’d be better if the rain can just wash him away down the hill and just bring him somewhere where his dead body will make a good a fertilizer. Maybe that will be less painful.

Jihoon tried to check his bag again to see whether his possessions were still dry. Suddenly, the feeling of raindrops falling on his head disappeared and what came to his view was a plain white umbrella over his head.

He turned his head to his left, “Soonyoung….”

“Hi, Lee Jihoon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry about the pacing. If only I can write ten chapters Soonhoon fluff I will! But the present is more important haha.
> 
> Again, thank you so much for reading. Feel free to hmu if there's anything that confuses you.


	4. Chapter 4

xxxxx

_Jihoon and Soonyoung agreed to meet at the station even though the latter insisted on picking up the former from their house. It was a very hot day but the weather did not bother Jihoon as he was very excited to go out that summer day. Finally, he and Soonyoung are moving in together._

_By the time Jihoon reached the station, his boyfriend was already there. As expected, he was wearing a very big smile on his face which made his eyes look like 10:10 on the clock._

_“Jihoonie! Did you bring the list?” Soonyoung asked as he grabbed Jihoon’s hand, intertwining his fingers to his. Jihoon hesitated for a bit until he realized that no else was at the station during that time. Maybe it was because of very high temperature; probably, they were only the crazy ones who dared to go out of their houses at such time of the day._

_“Yes, it’s in my pocket already.” Jihoon tapped his pocket._

_“Pocket? You really don’t like to bring bags, huh?”_

_Jihoon unconsciously scratched his head and answered,“I don’t have anything put inside aside from my wallet and my phone.”_

_“What if I give you a bag though as a present for your birthday?” Soonyoung chuckled._

_“Then I’ll just display it inside the house.” Jihoon smirked._

_Soonyoung suddenly stopped walking and removed his hand from Jihoon’s grip. “Whose house, Jihoon-ah?”Soonyoung said, as he placed his hand near his ear so he can hear the other guy better._

_Jihoon felt the rush of blood to his cheeks as he knew the exact words Soonyoung wanted to hear. “Our….house.”_

_“Come again??” Soonyoung asked in a mocking tone._

_Jihoon furrowed his eyebrows. “Our house, Kwon Soonyoung.”_

_Jihoon has already scouted the apartments he liked. He only needs to show them to Soonyoung for his approval. Jihoon was very thankful that Soonyoung agreed on choosing a house near Jihoon’s school. Their only non-negotiable was that it should be near the station so it will still be convenient for Soonyoung as well._

_“Jihoonie, to be honest I liked all but I’m just concerned with the price of the rent…” Soonyoung admitted as he unconsciously scratched his head._

_“It’s OK Soonie. My parents agreed to pay for half of the price.”_

_“What? But….I don’t think I’m already capable of paying the other half.”_

_“We’ll pay for it together. I can conduct piano and guitar lessons or whatever instrument they like.” Jihoon argued._

_Soonyoung sighed. “Can’t we just look for an apartment or room that’s less expensive?”_

_“Soonie, I chose all of these not because they’re expensive.” Jihoon explained as he pointed to the paper he was holding. “Didn’t you notice? They were all spacious so you can freely dance or practice wherever you want. Hopefully I’ll be able to buy a grand piano for myself also.” Jihoon whispered as he tried to look down in embarrassment._

_Soonyoung’s mouth went agape at his boyfriend’s statement._

_“Jihoonie, I really love you so much.”_

 

_~_

_The pair chose the apartment which had a park in view. Soonyoung liked it because he thinks it was interesting to see different kinds of people from where they lived. This may also be helpful to both of them during those times they’re running out of ideas already or in case they need to do some walks for breathers._

_Jihoon was already in bed while Soonyoung had just finished showering._

_“Soonie, are we really going to sleep early?”_

_Soonyoung grabbed Jihoon’s hand from under the sheet and kissed it. “I’m so sorry Ji. I’m just really excited.”_

_Jihoon sighed as he looked at the clock. It was just 9 PM and he can still list ten things he can do at such time before going to bed._

_“Fine, can you just lie down here with me already.”_

_Soonyoung obediently scooted to Jihoon’s side and leaned his head on the other’s shoulder._

_“Jihoonie…”_

_“Yes?”_

_“I can’t believe we’re already living together.”_

_“Ditto.” Jihoon tilted and bent his head as he reached for Soonyoung’s lips for a kiss_

_Jihoon’s tongue easily made its way inside Soonyoung’s mouth where it was welcomed by the latter’s tongue. Their kiss was sloppy as they were in an awkward position. The two broke their kiss for a while in order to catch their breaths. Jihoon took the opportunity to straddle Soonyoung’s legs who was currently on a sitting position._

_Jihoon placed both of his arms around Soonyoung’s neck while the other placed his left hand inside the former’s shirt, supporting and caressing his back in a repeated motion. Jihoon tilted his head again and kissed Soonyoung as his tongue explored the walls of the latter’s mouth. Soonyoung held on Jihoon’s waist. He pulled him closer while they tried to deepen their kiss and grind their bodies together. Jihoon felt it. Soonyoung was already hard as rock. “Are we really going to do it?”_

_Jihoon felt Soonyoung’s left hand slide onto his lower back, making its way inside the waistband of his boxers. “Of course.” Soonyoung smirked._

 

_~_

_By the time Jihoon woke up, Soonyoung was not around anymore. He nevertheless left a note for Jihoon on the side table. Jihoon picked up the note, “Good morning my wife.” Jihoon furrowed his eyebrows upon reading the first line. “Breakfast is ready. Just heat it, OK? I hope your body’s fine. I love you.”_

_Jihoon would’ve cringed if Soonyoung was there because he was not really the type used to cheesiness. Instead, he found himself catching his breath, overwhelmed by what he read. He felt like a new born baby starting anew with life. He doesn’t know why but he felt so positive upon waking up but it was as if he can write at least one-hundred love songs that morning._

_The breakfast Soonyoung prepared was nothing special but Jihoon made sure to finish it and wash the dishes thereafter. He was absolutely sure that it was better than their cafeteria food. Since Jihoon lives farther already from his school, he made sure to leave twenty minutes earlier. Jihoon found himself humming to random melodies as he carried his guitar case on his right arm._

_Jihoon who was unconsciously smiling opened the door of the third music room and found Seungkwan sitting on the couch facing him, “Welcome! How’s the life of the newlyweds?”_

_Jihoon choked on Seungkwan’s statement, making the smile on his face disappear._

_“Newlyweds, my ass.”Jihoon glared at Seungkwan. “You’re just envious.”_

_Seungkwan rolled his eyes and lifted his fingers to fix his bangs. “Yeah, maybe I am since I still haven’t received a reply from Hansol. How is it going though?”_

_“We just moved in yesterday.” Jihoon explained in a deadpan manner as he placed his guitar beside the shelf._

_“Who’s going to do the house chores, young master Jihoon?”_

_Jihoon glared at Seungkwan for the second time. “Both of us.”_

_Seungkwan smirked. “Do you even know how to cook? Sweep the floor? Iron your clothes? Do your laundry?”_

_Jihoon sighed. “Sunday’s our laundry day. I’m not that dumb Seungkwan. I’ll be able to learn all of them in time.”_

 

_~_

_It was already dark and their practice ended up late again. Jihoon did not want to bother Soonyoung but the latter insisted to pick him up so they can walk together going home. By the time Jihoon reached the university gate, Jihoon saw the familiar figure already there._

_“Soonie, I’m so sorry…”_

_“Nah, it’s OK. Let’s go home?” Soonyoung said as he offered his hand to Jihoon. “Tonight’s a good time for a walk. Look at the stars they’re so beautiful.”_

_Jihoon happily reached for Soonyoung’s hand while the latter clutched Jihoon’s hand inside the pocket of his hoodie._

_“Soonie, did you eat dinner already?”_

_“Nope. I wanted to eat with you.” Soonyoung smiled at Jihoon._

_The pair took a shortcut through the park and reached their apartment in just about ten minutes. Right after opening the door, Soonyoung immediately picked up the food from the table and placed it inside the microwave._

_“It still feels surreal,” Jihoon whispered._

_“That we’re already living together or that you’re my wife already?” Soonyoung asked with a curious expression._

_“The first one…” Jihoon avoided Soonyoung’s gaze._

_Soonyoung walked to Jihoon while the latter tried to make his guitar stand near the couch. “Wake up, Mr. Lee Jihoon. We’re already living together for good.” Soonyoung backhugged Jihoon and rested his chin on his shoulder._

_Much to Soonyoung’s amazement, Jihoon had a big smile on his face. Soonyoung was not able to stop himself from giving Jihoon a kiss on the cheek. “My little baby, please don’t make me die with your cuteness”_

_Jihoon pouted._

 

_~_

_As exams approached, both of them started to become busy again. Aside from school, Soonyoung was also busy with his part time job in a convenience store just near their apartment. Jihoon also had to teach piano 2-3 times a week. Hence, Jihoon did not take it against Soonyoung whenever the latter eats dinner ahead or whenever he is unable to pick up Jihoon from school. Just the thought of going home every night to Soonyoung’s arms already made him happy and gives him peace of mind._

_The pair, however, still made sure to go home during the weekends to visit their respective family homes. Jihoon was very thankful to his parents for being very supportive of their future careers although they were quite hesitant at first. Meanwhile, Soonyoung’s parents were proud of them since they took it as a sign of the two trying to be independent adults. All this time, however, both their parents only perceived them as best of friends. Neither of the knew what was the real deal between their sons._

_Truly, their first months together gave Jihoon a feeling of being on cloud nine. Seungkwan had to cringe so many times every time he saw Jihoon walk inside the third music room with smiling eyes instead of his usual gloomy self. Admittedly, seeing Soonyoung everyday at home started to feel like a routine for Jihoon but it was a routine he could live with for the rest of his life._

 

_~_

_Jihoon has always hated the feeling of not having Soonyoung next to him. He just cannot sleep peacefully whenever Soonyoung is not there. Their bed was too big for him. He also usually just stays on his side of the bed as a way of showing respect to Soonyoung’s space._

_One particular night, Jihoon found himself tossing and turning on his side of the bed for two hours already ever since he lied down. Soonyoung was out that night to attend their seniors’ party. Since Jihoon did not want to appear as a possessive lover, Jihoon did not make any objections when Soonyoung informed him about the party. Moreover, Chan was there to take care of Soonyoung._

_Jihoon was not the type to make several calls and messages unlike Soonyoung. Jihoon wanted Soonyoung to expand his horizons and enjoy his freedom even though they’re already living together._

_The next morning, Soonyoung arrived with bloodshot eyes. He appeared sober so Jihoon did not bother to ask him why he did not give him a call or whether he got drunk or he passed out._

_Soonyoung hasn’t walked that far inside their apartment until he started to tear up._

_“Jihoonie…..”_

_Jihoon gulped. It was his first time to see Soonyoung with such a pained expression on his face. Jihoon could not comprehend what was happening as he found himself staring at his boyfriend kneeling on the floor._

_“Are you OK, Soonie?”_

_“I was so drunk last night…………” Soonyoung hiccuped. “Or maybe drugged…I’m not sure…”_

_Jihoon did not know how to respond Soonyoung for he was afraid of the words that will come out next from the latter’s mouth._

_“By the time I woke up, I was already naked and…noona…noona was next to me. She said…..we did it….I’m so sorry Jihoon….”_

_Jihoon froze after hearing Soonyoung’s words. He doesn’t know how it was possible but he felt a mixture of anger, disappointment and sympathy at the same time. Jihoon stood in front of Soonyoung who chose to bow his head in shame, ready to accept whatever punishment he was about to receive._

_After giving himself time to regain his composure, Jihoon mustered the courage to hug Soonyoung. Jihoon was sure that Soonyoung did not have the intention to cheat on him and so he just decided to give him the benefit of the doubt._

_“It’s OK, Soonie…” Jihoon stroke Soonyoung’s hair while the latter placed his arms around Jihoon’s torso. “I’m so sorry….I love you so much please don’t eave me….”_

_“I won’t. I never will….” Unexpectedly, tears started to fall from Jihoon’s eyes also._

 

xxxxx

Jihoon’s automatic reaction was to turn his head due to the awkward distance between Soonyoung’s face and his. He observed, however, that unlike the usual cheerful Soonyoung the Soonyoung next to Jihoon under the white umbrella had a calm and serious look on his face.

“Thank you replying to me…and for coming here…Jihoon.” Soonyoung said.

“Ditto. How have you been, uhm, Soonyoung?”

“Fine…..I guess. Noona confessed to me again.”

“So you two are talking already again?”

“Yes.” Soonyoung shyly answered.

“Don’t worry, I brought a hammer.” Jihoon said as he tapped his bag. “We can make it official already, if that’s what you want.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I'm so sorry for playing with your feelings T__T
> 
> We're down to the last 2 chapters. The only thing I can say is...please trust me on this haha
> 
> Thank you so much for reading :)


	5. Chapter 5

xxxxx

_After graduating, Jihoon and Soonyoung both agreed to continue their stay in the apartment._

_Jihoon was lucky enough to be referred by one of his professors to a top notch recording company. At an early age, he was able to get the “big break” he needed. Famous girl and boy groups belonging to big and small companies flocked to Jihoon. Instead of signing with any company, however, he chose to work as a freelancer since he wanted to work with no strings attached to anyone – well, except for Soonyoung._

_Soonyoung chose to work in a dance studio owned by one of his seniors in his university. The dance studio was very famous for being the home base of the best dance team in Korea. Thus, work was really toxic for Soonyoung as he finds himself running out of ideas already for their routines._

_The pair never talked about what happened already during Soonyoung Seniors’ Party. Of course, Jihoon felt hurt. Just imagining what happened during that night makes Jihoon’s knees feel week. He can never forget the look on Soonyoung’s face on that day. Jihoon noticed also how Soonyoung has been even extra sweet to him ever since the incident happened._

_For their fourth anniversary, Soonyoung bought them tickets to an amusement park. Jihoon cringed right after Soonyoung told him about it. Jihoon just cannot imagine two guys, hand-in-hand, having the time of their lives at an amusement park. Nonetheless, thanks to Soonyoung’s persuasion, Jihoon gave in._

_Unfortunately, they were not able to go._

_“Soonie…” Jihoon called to Soonyoung who was sitting on the couch next to their bed. “I’m so sorry we can’t go…”_

_Soonyoung sighed. “It’s OK, Ji. It’s actually my fault. I should have asked you to bring an umbrella yesterday.”_

_“How about the tickets?”_

_“I gave them already to Mingyu.”_

_“Oh, I assume he’s going with Wownoo?”_

_“Well, he wants to but he’s not sure whether Wonwoo will agree to go with him.” Soonyoung chuckled._

_“I see…”_

_“I was looking forward to buying you a cute headband, you know.” Soonyoung sighed._

_Jihoon pouted. “Hey, can you stop being cute?” Soonyoung asked as he cupped Jihoon’s face with both of his hands._

_“You’re the only one who finds me cute,” Jihoon retorted._

_“Well isn’t that a good thing? I’d punch anyone who tries to make a move on my cute little baby.” Soonyoung pinched both of Jihoon’s cheeks._

_“As if anyone would do that.”_

_“You’ll never know, Lee Jihoon.” Soonyoung said as he kissed Jihoon on the forehead._

_“Hey, you might catch my cold.”_

_“Isn’t that good? I’ll be able to experience getting spoiled by you.” Soonyoung smirked._

_Jihoon sighed. “But seriously, I’m really sorry. Let’s do it next year?”_

_“Are you sure?” Soonyoung asked in disbelief._

_“Yes. Promise.” Jihoon smiled as he grabbed Soonyoung’s hand placed the other’s palm on his right cheek._

 

_~_

_Soonyoung started to become busy due to their preparation for the next competition. As most of the members of the dance team had to work during the day, most of their trainings were scheduled at night. Thus, Soonyoung always ends up going home just before the sun has risen_

_Jihoon has always not liked it but he was left with no choice and eventually, he got used to it. It was as if they were just mere housemates living their own respective daily routines._

_His only consolation was seeing Soonyoung’s sleeping face beside him every time he wakes up in the morning. Unfortunately, most of Jihoon’s meetings were scheduled during mornings so he does not get to talk Soonyoung that much either. After attending his meetings, Jihoon ends up staying in his new studio located just a few blocks from their apartment until the wee hours, depending on whether he is in the zone to work or not. He has always preferred to stay there instead of being inside their empty house alone._

_On Soonyoung’s birthday, Jihoon made sure to prepare something. Jihoon bought take out food since he did not really know how to cook and the only thing he can make was instant ramen. He tried to wait for Soonyoung to come home during that night but he fell asleep since it was also really a long day for him._

_Jihoon woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of a bang and repeated knocks on the door._

_“Jihoonieeeee!!”_

_Of course, Jihoon knew who the owner of the voice was. Jihoon opened the door._

_“Jiiii, I wanted to go home early but these guys didn’t let me.” Soonyoung said in frustration. Soonyoung was reeked of the smell of alcohol and was having a hard time standing already. Good thing Chan was there to support him._

_“Sorry, hyung. It’s his birthday so we just let him drink on his own pace. I didn’t know that Soonyoung could consume that much amount of alcohol.”_

_“It’s OK, Chan. Thank you so much.” Jihoon said as he tried to support Soonyoung enter their apartment door. Soonyoung was heavy but Jihoon tried his best to lead him to their bed._

_“Jihoonie, it’s my birthday today.” Soonyoung exclaimed with his eyes closed already._

_“I know, I wanted to greet you personally but I ended up falling asleep I’m so sorry…” Jihoon replied._

_“It’s OK. I knew you gave me a goodbye kiss this morning and I saw your gift as well. Thank you so much…I’m sure you know though, what’s the greatest gift you can give me.”_

_Jihoon gulped. His heart ached as if it was stabbed by a knife, totally disrupting the circulation of blood in his body. “I…….”_

_“No, it’s OK.” Soonyoung chuckled. “I know you really do, my Jihoonie.” Soonyung pulled Jihoon into a hug. “But sometimes, I do need some assurance you know. Life has really just been frustrating lately, especially work.”_

_Jihoon placed his arms around Soonyoung also. “I’m so sorry…I missed you so much Soonie…”_

_“Oh, I’m glad to hear that.” Soonyoung chuckled again. “It’s been a while, Ji. By the way, can you ask your parents to stop paying for our rent already? More importantly, should we tell them already about us?”_

_“Soonyoung….” was the only thing Jihoon was able to say. Jihoon stroke Soonyoung’s hair until the latter fell asleep in his arms._

_They have been together for more than four years but Jihoon has never expressly told Soonyoung that he loves him. Jihoon has always believed that it was more important to show it through actions than to say it. Moreover, saying it repeatedly makes it lose its meaning. At the same time, Jihoon is scared that Soonyoung will eventually leave him once he gets to say it until the spark in their relationship goes off._

_There is no doubt that Jihoon loves Soonyoung. He is really thankful that Soonyoung has been really understanding to him all this time but those words are not enough to capture what he really feels for Soonyoung._

 

_~_

_Jihoon’s birthday came. He did not receive any greeting from Soonyoung because it fell on the same week as the competition. Soonyoung and the whole team had to sleep in one house in for more than two weeks in order to maximize their time. Jihoon indeed understood Soonyoung’s situation but he just could not help but feel disappointed at his boyfriend._

_Even a single text message will do but he actually rarely received messages already from Soonyoung ever since he became busy. Soonyoung has never missed his birthday ever since they first met in kindergarten. Maybe this is what Soonyoung felt during those times Jihoon failed to contact him back in college? As a result, he ended up sleeping inside his cold studio. “Happy birthday, Jihoon,” he said to himself before he slumbered with tears falling from his eyes._

_Upon Jihoon’s arrival, he found an old lady standing in front of their apartment door._

_“Jihoon-ah…”_

_Jihoon gulped. “Good morning, Mrs. Kwon. Sorry I ended up sleeping in my studio. Please come in.”_

_Jihoon led Soonyoung’s mother inside their apartment._

_“Please take a seat. Can I get you something? Soonyoung is out of town.”_

_“Yes, I know. I just wanted to talk to you Jihoon-ah.” Mrs. Kwon said as she gestured Jihoon to take a seat as well._

_Jihoon’s hear started to race. “About…what?”_

_“About you two. I’ve always known about your relationship, Jihoon-ah.”_

_Jihoon could not say anything. He has always imagined this conversation but he never thought did he will have to do it alone, without Soonyoung there to support him._

_“It’s OK, I know that you two do love each other very much. It’s not like I will disown Soonyoung as my child but please think about his future as well.”_

_Hearing those words caused Jihoon to feel a pang on his chest. “I’m sure you know what his dream is.”_

_“Yes…” Jihoon whispered._

_“My only request to you is that, I hope your relationship will not be a hindrance to Soonyoung’s dreams.” Soonyoung’s mother stood and grabbed her bag. “I’m not sure if I should say this but, his father really wants grandchildren as well.”_

_Jihoon just froze on his seat after seeing the smile on Mrs. Kwon’s face as she came out of their apartment door._

_~_

 

_Jihoon knew Soonyoung was coming home on that day but he was not sure what time he will arrive. Jihoon sat on the bench facing their apartment as he waited for Seungcheol. His hyung arrived ten minutes after their agreed time, bringing with him a cup of coffee for Jihoon._

_The last time Jihoon saw Seungcheol was back the latter’s graduation. Surprisingly, his hyung contacted him to let him know that he was in town and invited him for coffee. Seungcheol knew that Jihoon was not the type to eat out in public places with other people except for Soonyoung so he insisted on just meeting him somewhere near their house. Their talk lasted only for around an hour since Seungcheol had to take the 5PM train going back to Daegu._

_Talking with Seungcheol was nostalgic for Jihoon for it made him remember about their college days. Seungcheol was a very good hyung to him since he was always there to take care of Jihoon._

_By the time Jihoon arrived home, Soonyoung was already there sitting on their couch with a serious look in his face. Soonyoung looked tired and it was as if he aged ten more years since the last time they saw each other._

_“Soonie…”_

_“Where did you come from, Jihoon?” Soonyoung asked. Jihoon knew that look._

_“Just outside…”_

_“With?...”_

_“No one. I was just alone.”_

_“Alone? I saw you…two.”_

_Jihoon gulped. It was as if he was being asked to confessed for a crime he did not do._

_“Uhm, yes. Seungcheol hyung was with me…”_

_“Seungcheol? Have you two been seeing each other all this time while I was away? Is this your way of getting revenge on me because of what I did?”_

_Jihoon felt a sharp pain on his chest upon hearing Soonyoung’s words. Tears started racing down his cheeks. Jihoon did not know what to answer but maybe this was the best way for him to show his love for Soonyoung. “Y-yes….” Jihoon hesitantly answered._

_“Do you still love me?”_

_“Honestly? I don’t feel it anymore…” Jihoon replied as he tried to wipe away the tears on his face._

 

xxxxx

Jihoon found himself standing in front of the locks again. The rain has already stopped but Jihoon’s anxiety levels were still up. It’s been around five years since he last went there with Soonyoung. He never imagined that they will have to destroy the lock eventually. Not all relationships come with a happy ending. What happened to them was inevitable and it was something not really unexpected.

“Should I do it?” Soonyoung said.

“Uhm, yeah here go ahead,” Jihoon said as he handed the hammer to Soonyoung.

Since the padlock was just made out plastic. It just took Soonyoung around fifteen seconds to destroy it. The broken padlock fell on the wet wooden floor. Jihoon looked at the padlock with sadness. “It only took fifteen seconds to end that five years of relationship, huh….” Jihoon thought to himself.

“Done,” Soonyoung declared. “You are now free, Mr. Lee Jihoon.”

“Same to you…”

“I’ll be leaving on Friday by the way.” Soonyoung said as he unconsciously scratched his head. “Not that it matters to you, I don’t know why I’m saying it.”

“Oh,” was the only word Jihoon could answer. Jihoon was already on the verge of tears but he tried his best to stop them.

“So I guess this is already goodbye?” Soonyoung chuckled as he offered his hand.

“I guess it is. Bye, Soonyoung,” Jihoon said as he shook the other guy’s hand looking down, not bothering to look at Soonyoung’s face anymore.

Jihoon could not believe that for the second time in his life, he had to watch Soonyoung turn his back on him and leave. This time, it is really already official. Jihoon knew, however, that this was the best thing he can do for their relationship especially for Soonyoung. Yes, Jihoon has been having a hard time lately but it was not something he should bother Soonyoung with. This is what he deserves.

Just as Soonyoung was about to take his first step down the stairs, Jihoon found himself calling out to Soonyoung.

“Sooni-…Soonyoung…”

Soonyoung turned his head. “Yes, Jihoon?”

“Uhm, it’s our fifth anniversary tomorrow. Can you at least let me fulfill my promise from last year? Would you be available tomorrow?”

“Are you inviting me to the amusement park?”

“Y-yes…if it’s OK with you. If…you’re free….” Jihoon responded shyly.

“Will it be OK with Seungcheol hyung?”

Jihoon froze. “Of course….”

“I’m game then, for old time’s sake.” Soonyoung smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Jihoon is a dumbass.
> 
> 2\. I'm so sorry for making Soonyoung's mom pull off a K-Drama role.
> 
> Thank you so much for all the kudos! <3
> 
> Can't believe we're almost done.


	6. FINAL CHAPTER

xxxxx

_Tears started to fall down on Soonyoung cheeks. “Oh…you should’ve told me earlier then.” Soonyoung said as he tried to wipe his own tears, still forcing a smile._

_Seeing the facial expression Soonyoung made felt like Jihoon was being stabbed repeated times on the chest. “I’m so sorry…..” were the only words he was able to say as he bowed down his head trying to avoid Soonyoung’s gaze._

_Jihoon froze as he saw Soonyoung smash the picture frame standing on their side table, on the floor. Jihoon’s knees started to feel weak as he saw Soonyoung grabbed his luggage and turn his back from him. Jihoon thought about running after Soonyoung but he knew that he did not have the right to do so. He could not stop the tears from falling. He has never cried this much before. Having no strength to stand anymore, he let himself fall on his knees. He found himself clutching his chest as he started to bawl._

_Just as his vision was starting to blur, his gaze caught the sight of the picture frame on the floor. He crawled near it, trying to avoid the glass shards scattered on the floor. Jihoon removed the photo from the frame and placed it near his chest._

_If only he can take out his heart from his chest, Jihoon would. But the pain he felt was nothing compared to what he let Soonyoung experience. Jihoon knew that by saying those words which are not at all true, he did hurt the person he loved the most. He was mad at himself for doing so._

_Why was he being a martyr in the first place? Telling Soonyoung that he loves him would have been easier. Being selfish and having Soonyoung just to himself will have been the easiest way to their happy ending. But Jihoon was not like that. Jihoon has always noticed it. Soonyoung has always prioritized him more than his dreams or his work. Of course, it was because Soonyoung really loved him and it makes him really happy. However, it was also a big burden for him for he did not have enough confidence to believe that he can indeed make Soonyoung happy…forever. Does he even have the capacity to make Soonyoung feel whole? He didn’t know. He was also worried that he was giving less than what Soonyoung has been giving to him. Hence, the only way to stop all of this is to let go of Soonyoung and let him live a happy life without Jihoon. That was the best way he can show his love for Soonyoung._

  _~_

_Jihoon slowly opened his eyes. His could not breathe properly as his nose was clogged. He also felt like his head was about to break into two. Jihoon looked the clock on the wall with his eyes half-opened – it was already 10AM. What was he supposed to do that day? Jihoon did not know and he really did not care. What was the point of getting up if Soonyoung’s gone. He has always written all of his songs while thinking about Soonyoung. He has always started his day looking at Soonyoung’s sleeping face beside him. But all of these do not matter anymore since Soonyoung has already left him. Thus, he closed his eyes again and went back to sleep._

_~_

_Jihoon woke up the sound of someone knocking on the door. Jihoon felt a little nervous as he did not know how to face Soonyoung, assuming it was him. Jihoon did not have the energy to get up and open the door but the small possibility that it was Soonyoung convinced him to do so._

_As he unlocked the door, Jihoon started to feel week. He heard someone calling his name but he blacked out._

_~_

_He found himself inside a familiar room white plain room again. Jeonghan and Joshua were at the couch sitting beside each other, fiddling with their phones._

_“J-Jeonghan hyung….”_

_“Jihoon-ah, are you awake already?”_

_“Hmmm….”_

_“You needed an IV. When did you last eat? What have you been doing these past few days? We’ve been trying to contact you since the other day. Cheol was worried you never replied to him.”_

_“I’m so tired hyung...I don’t want to l-…….”_

_“What? Live? You’re a dumbass, Lee Jihoon. Rest first if you still feel weak.”_

_~_

_By the time Jihoon returned to their apartment from the hospital, Soonyoung’s things were not there anymore. “Maybe he took advantage of the time I was in the hospital,” Jihoon thought to himself. Indeed, their house appeared emptier without Soonyoung’s belongings but it cannot be compared at all to how empty Jihoon really felt inside._

_Waking up everyday became a struggle to Jihoon. He did not have any idea how to start his day and what to do every day. He just cannot bring himself to his studio to write songs and create music as he did not have any motivation to do so. All he felt was just hopelessness._

_Jihoon tried to cook for himself. He has often watched Soonyoung cooked but he realized that it was not easy doing it by himself. At first, he had always ended up putting more oil than what is necessary on the pan. He was also able to survive by eating cereals and sometimes, rice only. Whenever he felt lazy, he just made short trips to the convenience store. Truly, these were not good for his health but he had to survive life on a day to day basis._

_For some reason, he also had friends coming over everyday to force him to get up and eat. During the first weeks, Jihoon always found himself being dragged from his bed. Through their presence, Jihoon was able distract himself from noticing how empty the apartment appeared._

_Four weeks after being confined in the hospital, Jihoon was able to walk to his studio for the first time. Jihoon did not have the confidence to write lyrics yet but he slowly started to compose music again as he fiddled with the piano, the guitar and other instruments inside his studio. He did not feel capable yet of finishing a single song but he was already able to create some measures of melodies and chord progression._

_From then on, he began to follow a daily routine and kept himself busy. He went back to keeping in touch with his acquaintances in the industry. It was on his third week in the studio when he finally received a message from Soonyoung._

 

xxxxx

Jihoon had nowhere to go except for his studio. On his way, he already contacted his hyung regarding the amusement park tickets. He has already asked him about it two months, prior their fifth anniversary but he almost cancelled it after what happened.

Even Jihoon cannot comprehend what just happened that afternoon. “Really, Lee Jihoon?” He said to himself. Truly, he was not yet over Soonyoung but getting back with him or going with him to an amusement park was not a part of his plan. He only went to see Soonyoung for the last time as a parting gift to himself. Maybe it was an evil spirit who possessed him or maybe it was his heart who spoke up for him, he did not know.

Jihoon sat in front of his computer. “There goes my half-assed feelings again.” Jihoon sighed. He also did not know what to think about their conversation. Truly, the thought about Soonyoung not being in love with him anymore hurts but he did not have the right to acknowledge so since he was the first one to hurt the other.

For the first time in a while, Jihoon was able to write lyrics and ended up falling asleep after recording.

 

~

Jihoon agreed to meet Soonyoung at the entrance. As usual, Soonyoung arrived first. Jihoon felt anxious as he did not know what facial expression he should make or how he should greet Soonyoung. Since Jihoon invited Soonyoung after their official break-up, technically they’re only just friends or worse, mere acquaintances who decided to meet in an amusement park.

“Hey,” Jihoon said as he approached Soonyoung. “I bought the tickets already don’t worry.”

“Oh, good.” Soonyoung replied with a serious expression on his face. “By the way Jihoon. Before enter the amusement park can we agree on something first?”

“Sure.”

“I’ll allow you to make one request from me today. Allow me to make one as well.”

“Call.”

“So what’s your request, Jihoon?” Soonyoung asked.

“Hmmm,” Jihoon tried to think hard and avoided Soonyoung’s gaze. “Don’t call me Jihoon. It’s too awkward for me…”

“That’s it?” Soonyoung furrowed his eyebrows.

“Yes…What’s yours?” the shorter guy in pink pullover asked.

“For us to be honest to ourselves….and to each other.” Soonyoung smiled. “Let’s go Jihoonie! Let’s make happy memories here.” Soonyoung said as he grabbed Jihoon’s hand to the gate.

Jihoon cannot remember when was the last time he has been to an amusement park. Everything was just too colorful for his gloomy personality but on that day, he decided to smile more frequently – for happy memories, yes.

Near the entrance, something caught Jihoon’s eye. “Soon…Soonie, can we go there?”

“Sure, Ji.”

The pair walked hand in hand to the stall.

“Uhm, do you prefer the headband with ears or that one with a small plushie?”

Soonyoung blushed at Jihoon’s question after realizing what they were doing there. “Hmmm….the one with ears looks cuter.”

“OK, I’ll go with that one with small plushie.”

“Eh?”

“Joke, Soonie. OK I’ll wear whatever you like.”

Soonyoung scooted to the stand which had the headbands with animal ears and chose the headband with pink cat ears.

“Pink?” Jihoon furrowed his eyebrows.

“It matches your pullover, Jihoonie.” Soonyoung shyly answered.

“Oh, right I’m wearing pink. OK, let me pay for it.” Jihoon tried to get the headband from Soonyoung but Soonyoung did not let him. “I’ll pay for it.” Soonyoung announced as he walked to the cashier.

Jihoon tried to think about Soonyoung’s request. He cannot fathom what Soonyoung wants or why in fact he agreed to go with him to the amusement park. “For old times sake,” were the words Soonyoung said at the park. Maybe he just really wants to create memories with his old friend for the last time.

After paying, Soonyoung went back with two headbands on his hand and placed one on Jihoon’s head. “So…..cute.” Jihoon blushed at Soonyoung’s remark. “Wait Jihoonie can I take a photo first?”

“Fine.”

“Can you smile? Please?”

“OK…” Jihoon tried to make his best smile.

“OK, done.” Soonyoung said as wore the other headband and placed his arm around Jihoon. “Selca too.”

Soonyoung looked at the photos he took. “We’re so cute…Let’s take more photos later.”

 

~

The pair chose to ride the roller coaster first. Jihoon has always avoided riding roller coasters but the long line worried him more. Spending a couple of minutes queueing means he had to talk with Soonyoung until their turn.

“How have you been, Jihoonie?”

“Uhm...fine, I guess? Still the same…”

“You look skinny.” Soonyoung deadpanned.

“I’ve been trying to eat more but I don’t know, gaining weight is really hard for me.”

“I knew you were hospitalized last month.” Soonyoung sighed.

“How did you know?”

“I was the one who brought you there. Didn’t Jeonghan hyung tell you?”

“Oh. I didn’t expect….you should’ve just ignored me then…”

“Silly. How can I let you just die there…on the floor…”

“That’s would’ve been better……joke.” Jihoon whispered.

“Jihoonie, you were wearing the same clothes….same to what you wore on that day I….left…” Soonyoung said as he tried to look away, pretending to look at the customers queueing in front of the ice cream stand.

“I didn’t have the chance to change….my clothes…”

“For four days?”

“Yes…..” Jihoon nodded.

“You looked really sick that day.”

“I didn’t have any motivation to get out of bed, Soonie….” Jihoon admitted.

Soonyoung did not have any chance to respond anymore as they were called already to hop on the ride. Only the seats in front were left so the two did not have any other choice but to take them. Jihoon gulped upon seeing the ride up close.

“Soonie, I’m not really good with roller coasters, especially with the drops.”

“Same,” Soonyoung said as he held on Jihoon’s hand and squeezed it. “This is actually my first time.”

“Then why are we going to ride it?” Jihoon asked as he tried to ignore their Soonyoung’s gesture to avoid making their conversation awkward.

“I want my first time to be with you, Ji.” Soonyoung smiled.

Jihoon blushed. “Soonie, I think it’ll be safer if you’ll hold on to the the handle bar.”

“Oooppsss…..right. Ha-ha.” Soonyoung unclasped his fingers from Jihoon’s slowly and held on the handle bar.

Soonyoung started screaming just as the ride started to set in motion. Jihoon found it funny that he was not able to stop himself from laughing during the whole ride. He nevertheless had to close his eyes during the drops and whenever the ride passes through upside down tracks. “I’ve never felt so alive,” Jihoon thought to himself.

Soonyoung was panting right after the ride. “I’m never riding a roller coaster anymore.”

“Hahahahahha, are you OK Soonie?”

“Do I look OK?” Soonyoung glared at Jihoon.

“Oopppsss, sorry. Wait here I’ll get you some water.”

Jihoon was unconsciously smiling on his way to the stall. “What are you doing, Mr. Lee Jihoon?” he asked himself. Jihoon still does not know Soonyoung’s real motive for going to the amusement park with him. They’re not together anymore. Hence, why did Soonyoung hold his hand? It was not even just once. Was that Soonyoung’s way of being honest?

Due to Jihoon’s confusion, he almost forgot what he was supposed to buy from the stall. Whatever Soonyoung’s motive is, thing might really be the last time they’ll be seeing each other. This might be Jihoon’s last chance to be with Soonyoung so maybe he should just really make the most out of it as well.

“Here, Soonie.”

“Thanks.”

“Where do you want to go next?”

“Hmmmm, let’s go to the zoo and try the safari ride after.”

“Sure.”

The amusement park, the two went to, was really big that a portion of it was dedicated to a zoo consisting of different animals like polar bears, penguins, monkeys and others. Soonyoung looked like a kid going to a field trip. Jihoon cannot count how many times his friend uttered the word “cute.” Jihoon was not aware of it, but he was also smiling the whole time as he watched Soonyoung in amazement.

Unfortunately, they had to fall in line again for the safari ride. Jihoon did not know what to say in order to make the awkward atmosphere disappear so he just blurted out what first came into mind.

“How have you been Soonie? Are you staying in your parents’ house?”

The smile on Soonyoung’s face disappaeared. “Yes.”

“Your mom must have missed you a lot.”

“Yeah, she really did.”

“She must be happy that you’re dating noona at present.” Jihoon looked away.

Soonyoung’s body stiffened right after hearing Jihoon’s statement. “Jihoonie, we’re not dating.”

Jihoon’s pupils dilated. “You’re not?”

“Yeah, we just started talking again.”

“Oh.” Jihoon looked down. “But that will eventually lead to that right?”

“I don’t think so.” Soonyoung deadpanned.

“Why?”

“Because I still love you, Jihoonie.” Soonyoung said shyly.

Jihoon’s breathing shortened as he felt the rush of blood to his cheeks. The staff of the safari ride called on to them as they were already next to hop on the bus. “Soonie, let’s go.” Jihoon said as he hesitantly grabbed Soonyoung’s hand.

Jihoon felt relieved because of the timing. He definitely did not know how to answer Soonyoung. He felt a pang on his chest while at the same time, a small glimmer of hope sparked inside him. What is Jihoon’s plan? He wasn’t sure. Should he tell Soonyoung that he still loves him too? Doing so, however, will just defeat the purpose of everything Jihoon did.

Jihoon sighed as he took a seat by the window. He noticed the worried look on Soonyoung’s face. “Do you want to exchange seats?”

Soonyoung’s face lit up at the other’s query. “Yes!”

“At least he won’t have to see while looking outside,” Jihoon thought to himself.

Jihoon was glad that Soonyoung’s happy kid aura came back. He made a mental note of choosing rides without long lines. The safari ride featured lions and tigers, and even a liger. Every ride ended with short stops in front of big brown bears doing basketball tricks as they were being fed by the bus driver. After the ride, the two decided to look for food since they were hungry already.

Just as they were already near a diner, Jihoon saw an empty stage with few people assembled in front. “Soonie, wait here.”

Jihoon ran as fast as he could. He didn’t know what he was doing but this was the only thing can do for now. He just hopes that following his heart this time will not result to irreversible consequences.

“Uhm, do you have any performer?” Jihoon asked as he tried to catch his breath.

“The performer assigned for now hasn’t arrived yet so we’re holding an open stage.” The staff in charged answered.

“Can I do it?” Jihoon said.

“Sure. Are you going to sing?”

“Yes. Here’s my phone, my accompaniment is there.” Jihoon handed his mobile phone after pressing some buttons.

Jihoon gulped and felt nervous as he received the microphone. He used to perform when he was younger but it lessened when he started to work as he preferred to work behind the scenes. He slowly made his way up the stage.

“Test mic test. Check.” Jihoon waited for his breathing to normalize before he began to speak again. “Soonie!” Jihoon shouted. Jihoon smiled as he saw Soonyoung looking at him from afar. “This is for you.”

 

Jihoon found himself tearing up already as he reached the bridge. He wasn’t really sure whether he got all the notes correct as he just wrote the song last night but surprisingly, he did pour all his emotions into singing the song.

 

By the time his performance ended, Soonyoung was already waiting for Jihoon by the stairs of the stage. Jihoon got his phone back from the technical staff and slowly went down the staircase.

“Jihoonie…” Soonyoung called with a sad expression on his face.

Jihoon panicked as he did not know how to face Soonyoung. His emotions were indeed still overflowing. “Ssshh…” Jihoon covered Soonyoung’s lips with his hand. “Can we buy food first? I’m really hungry already.”

“OK.”

They decided to buy rice bowls for take out and chose to walk up the hill in order to get a better view of the lights parade and the fireworks. They chose the bench which had the best view and settled there to eat.

“I’m sorry I must have confused you.” Jihoon looked at the time on his phone. It was already 9PM. Jihoon sighed.

“I think you have a lot of explaining to do, Lee Jihoon.” Soonyoung said as he removed the lid of the bowl.

“Yes. I’m so sorry…”

“It’s OK. I’d really appreciate it if you’ll be honest this time. Please stop playing with my feelings.” Soonyoung sighed.

“I wrote that song last night. I’ve been having a hard time writing lyrics but last night a miracle happened. I was able to write some…”

“Oh, good for you.” Soonyoung said as he raised the chopsticks he was holding and tried to pick up some rice from the bowl.

“I was able to do that because of you...”

“Mmmmm..” Soonyoung answered while chewing his food.

“But honestly, the lyrics of the song do not capture what I really want to say right now.” Jihoon confessed.Jihoon’s words caught Soonyoung’s attention.

“I still love you Soonie….I love you so much.” Jihoon covered his face with both of his palms as he started to tear up.

Soonyoung released the bowl and chopsticks from his hands and placed them on his side. “Then why are you crying?” Soonyoung asked as he placed his hand on Jihoon’s back and started to stroke it.

“Because I think it’s already too late and I really did mess up, Soonie….”

“Well, you really did hurt me, Mr. Lee Jihoon. I knew that the thing with your Seungcheol hyung was just a lie. I also knew that my mom talked with you.”

“You did?” Jihoon asked as he uncovered his face and looked at Soonyoung in disbelief.

“Yeah. How long have I known you? Of course I know when you’re lying or not. It’s not actually the fact that you lied to me which really hurt me. It’s the fact that you didn’t fight for us.”

Jihoon’s body stiffened at Soonyoung’s words. Soonyoung was right. Jihoon was a weakling because he just chose throw everything away and run away.

“I’m so….sorry….I really am…” were the only words Jihoon was able to say.

“I knew that you’re a worry wart and you’ve been thinking about our future, especially mine but maybe you should try to trust me more as well. I got really hurt when you tried to decide for us, totally disregarding what I will feel.” Soonyoung said in frustration. “It was as if you left me hanging in the air all alone. I know that the future is scary but that’s why we have always been here for each other right? We will always be with each other, hand in hand, in every battle we have to conquer.”

Jihoon gulped. It was as if he was being sentenced for the crimes he had committed and Jihoon did not have any defense to acquit himself.

“So tell me, what do you want to happen to us now, Lee Jihoon?”

Jihoon tried to think hard. Soonyoung picked up his food again and continued to eat. Jihoon was not sure anymore what he was supposed to do. The only thing he was sure of was the fact that he loves Soonyoung so much and that he cannot really afford to lose him anymore. Never.

After a few minutes, the silence broke, “Can you give me another chance, Soonie? This time I’ll prove my love to you.” Jihoon said with conviction.

Soonyoung quickly put his food back on the bench and turned his head to Jihoon. “You know I can’t resist you, right?” Soonyoung placed his arm around Jihoon’s neck and pulled the other into a kiss.

Soonyoung’s mouth tasted sweet due to the sauce of the food he ate but it didn’t matter. Jihoon cannot remember when was the last time they did kiss in real life. He has always dreamt about it and found himself crying upon waking up. This time, however, he was sure that it was real.

Soonyoung opened his mouth and kissed Jihoon harder. Soonyoung licked Jihoon’s lips and thereafter, their tongues met. Jihoon pulled Soonyoung’s boyd closer to him in spite of their awkward position until Soonyoung broke their kiss.

“Actually, I’ll be leaving tomorrow for a training in the US tomorrow. Will you be able wait for me, Ji?”

Jihoon looked Soonyoung in the eyes and cupped his cheeks. “Of course, my love.”

“Even if it takes a year?”

Jihoon took a deep breath. “Yes. Our love is more than just a padlock or a house. Neither it is defined by our relationship status. You’re the only one for me, Soonie.” Jihoon pulled Soonyoung iton an embrace. “I will wait for you no matter how long it takes.” Jihoon stated with conviction as he teared up again and rested his chin on the other’s shoulder.

Soonyoung chuckled. “You’ll have to win me over by the time I return.” Soonyoung said as he planted a kiss on Jihoon’s red nose.

“I’m confident that I’ll be able to. I love you so much, Kwon Soonyoung.”

“I love you so much too, Ji.” Soonyoung grinned as they both tightened their embrace, unaware that the fireworks have started already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's iiiiit. I'm so sorry if it's not the ending you expected :(
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> I'd really appreciate your comments regarding the ending. Thank you so much for reading!!! <3
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> Please wait for the Epilogue I'll post it on Soonyoung's birthday <3


	7. EPILOGUE

“Soonie, are you OK?” Soonyoung had been lost in deep thought ever since he rode the car. He had been staring outside, just letting the illumination caused by the lampposts blur in sight.

Soonyoung turned his head to face the owner of the voice. “Yes.”

“Are you nervous? Did you practice your English already?”

Soonyoung chuckled. “Of course, Mr. Lee.” Jihoon reached for Soonyoung’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “I'm sure you’ll be fine.”

Soonyoung looked at Jihoon. By now, they’re already in twenties and he finds it amazing to have witnessed the man beside him grow. In other people’s eyes, he might just look ordinary but they do not know how capable this ordinary-looking short man is. However, this not the reason why he loves this man. He really just loves him that during that time he first realized it, he did not make an effort anymore to deny it.

Unfortunately, he has to part with him again just when they have already and reconciled and have discussed things through. Soonyoung challenged Jihoon to win him over again once he returns but he is actually not that confident that he, himself, will be able to take being away from Jihoon for a year. He will not be surprised if he finds himself booking a ticket going home just two weeks after. He cannot just afford to lose the love of his life anymore.

The van stopped in front of the entrance. Jun volunteered to drive for Soonyoung to the airport. Chan, Minghao and of course, Jihoon also came with them.

Soonyoung looked at his friends with teary eyes. He’s always been used to moving his body in sync with these people on the same stage and now he’s about to embark on a journey for the purpose of honing his dancing skills and gaining knew knowledge, without them. “Thank you so much, Jun, Chan and Minghao,” were the words Soonyoung said as they all did a group hug.

Soonyoung turned to Jihoon and noticed the worried look on his face. “Jihoonie….I’m sorry I’ll have to leave you again.”

“Dumbass, we’ll see each other again soon….after a year.” Jihoon said as he cupped the taller guy’s face.

“Wait for me, please?”. Jihoon took a step near Soonyoung, placed his arms around him. “Of course…I love you so much Soonie.”

Soonyoung has not yet been used to hearing those words but they were indeed comforting enough to lessen the worries inside his heart. He has never doubted the other guy’s feelings for him but hearing them explicitly, coming from him, may indeed just become a guilty pleasure he would like to indulge in everyday for the rest of his life. “I love you so much too, Ji.”

~

Soonyoung spent majority of the flight sleeping. He tried to watch movies but for some reason, he just cannot help but think about the person he just left. He must be sleeping already inside their house. The two have not yet talked about their relationship status but Soonyoung has already brought back some of his belongings to the apartment just to reassure Jihoon that he is indeed coming back. Soonyoung tried to recall what happened.

xxxxx

_Soonyoung has long swallowed his pride and given up on denying the fact that he was jealous of Seungcheol. It wasn’t that he did not trust Jihoon. He did. It was Seungcheol who he did not trust._

_Soonyoung was not really aware that they were there. It just so happened that he wanted to look through their window to see how much the colors of the trees have changed ever since he he left. He looked at the two; they were laughing. It’s been so long since he last saw Jihoon laugh. Was he really not capable of making him happy anymore? Had he been away for too long? Or maybe it was because they had been together for too long?_

_Soonyoung has always compared himself to Seungcheol. He was always there for Jihoon during their college days. Until now, he still regrets not being there for Jihoon during that time he got hospitalized. So why was Seungcheol there? If Jihoon was cheating on him, he would have chosen a place far from their home. Jihoon was not stupid enough to create such mistake._

_In spite of being able to convince himself, Soonyoung was still not able to hide his jealousy when Jihoon arrived. He wanted to hear it straight from Jihoon but what he got was an answer that was completely the opposite of what he had expected to hear. Soonyoung felt ashamed of what he did and at the same time, he really felt hurt when Jihoon said that he does not feel it anymore for all this time, there was never a time or a day he never felt it. It was just only then he got to understood why Jihoon deliberately did not contact him for so many times back in college._

_Soonyoung knew what time Jihoon usually goes out to walk to his studio. Soonyoung waited everyday in front of the park but no person who looked like Jihoon came out from their apartment building. On the fourth day, Soonyoung decided to go in already and it was during that day Jihoon collapsed in front of him. He noticed that Jihoon was still wearing the same clothes on the day he left. The glass shards of the picture frame he smashed were also still there on the floor._

_He called Jeonghan as he did not have the courage to face Jihoon. He was still hurt about what happened but he cannot just let the person he loves die in front of him. Right after bringing Jihoon to the hospital, he went back to his apartment to get all his things._

_“I don’t know what your problem is but maybe you should visit him. He’s already back in your apartment.” Soonyoung was glad that Jeonghan and his other friends were there to take care of Jihoon. Maybe it would’ve been better if they just remained as friends. Maybe that would have prevented them from hurting each other that much._

_Staying at home was very frustrating for Soonyoung. His mom kept on grinning on him during the first weeks. He knew that something was up. He also found himself going out everyday, sometimes wasting his time at the dance studio and going home in the morning after very long nights of drinking sessions with his co-workers. Their house just does not feel like home anymore. His home is that small apartment with Jihoon._

_After a few weeks, Jeonghan texted him that Jihoon has been visiting his own studio already. Soonyoung felt relieved; at least Jihoon was already back to his daily routines. It was also during that week when a hyung from his university contacted him regarding an opportunity abroad. His hyung was working in a dance studio in LA which had a lot of choreographers from all over the world affiliated with it. Their dance studio in Seoul was willing to send him as representative. The thought of learning new things thrilled Soonyoung. Moreover, he needed time for himself to think, to be away from Jihoon._

_Soonyoung finally had the courage to contact Jihoon after a few days since he had a plan of escape already. “For the last time” Can he really do it? He wasn’t sure. He just loved Jihoon too much. Soonyoung knew that he was selfish. Jihoon just might end up getting hurt because of the enormous amount of love Soonyoung wants to give him. Thus, they should break up already._

_On the day they met at the park, Soonyoung knew that it was going to rain so he made sure to bring an umbrella. He did not expect nevertheless to see Jihoon with a bag, drenched by the rain. Soonyoung felt a pang of guilt that he ran quickly to where Jihoon was. Soonyoung felt kind of relieved that he did not have to explain anymore why they were meeting in that place. He was caught off guard, however, when Jihoon invited him to the amusement park. Of course he wanted to spend time with Jihoon before he leaves._

_The night before their visit at the amusment park, Soonyoung tried to think hard why Jihoon still invited him. “Does he still love me?” Soonyoung asked himself. This question was hard to answer for Jihoon has never told him explicitly that he does. He will need enough time to verify this for Jihoon was never really good with words. Nonetheless, this will really be the last time so maybe they just have to make the most out of it._

_What Jihoon did shocked Soonyoung. Jihoon has always written songs but he has never dedicated any to Soonyoung. Or maybe he has, he just was not sure. This made the Soonyoung’s heart waver. How can he close his heart to the calling of the person he loves so much?_

_“So tell me what do you want to happen to us now, Lee Jihoon?” Soonyoung kind of felt guilty about playing hard to get to Jihoon but he really wanted to hear it with both of his ears._

_His first kiss with Jihoon, after a long time of not seeing each other felt nostalgic. Jihoon’s lips still felt soft and delicate. Of course, Soonyoung wanted more so he kissed the other harder on the mouth. Soonyoung licked Jihoon’s lips until their tongues met. The insides of Jihoon’s mouth were warm that Soonyoung almost melt as he was holding the other. Soonyoung felt being pulled by the other while he traced Jihoon’s back was his fingers._

_Unfortunately, he had to interrupt their reunion for a while with a bad news. He noticed how Jihoon was a little hesitant at first and so he felt guilty but this was another test they had to face together. He was indeed selfish for wanting the best of both worlds but this trip will enable him to build more confidence for himself and make Jihoon stop worrying about his future._

 

~

His hyung was busy so he just asked for the address of his house. Soonyoung was not that good with directions but he was already thankful of the fact that his hyung was kind enough to let him stay in his apartment until he finds a part time job and a place to stay in for himself.

It was indeed hard to communicate with choreographers coming from different parts of the world but this was not visible whenever all of them tries to dance altogether and move their bodies in sync. Soonyoung learned a lot of techniques he hasn’t encountered in their dance studio at Seoul or even through Youtube.

The time was difference made it hard for Soonyoung and Jihoon to communicate. Good thing Jihoon’s schedule was flexible. Soonyoung just cannot help but feel guilty whenever Jihoon appears sleepy on his screen or ends up falling asleep while having their video calls. Soonyoung really missed his little baby. He checks flight tickets every night hoping to find good deals for flights going home.

“I’ll be busy this week Soonie, sorry.” Reading these words made Soonyoung miss home more. Everyday was tiring but Soonyoung still had to do his laundry and find a job. One morning, Soonyoung woke up to the sound of the doorbell. It appeared that his hyung was not home so he forced himself to get up and opened the door in spite of his bed hair.

“If this is a dream, then it is indeed a good dream,” Soonyoung said to himself. Soonyoung felt warm lips touching his. “Dumbass, this is not a dream.”

“Jihoonie???” Soonyoung leaned his head to look at Jihoon’s face, “Why are you here?”

“I still have to win you over right?” Jihoon exclaimed.

“But…” Soonyoung retorted.

“But…? I just can’t wait for that cliché airport scene anymore, Soonie.” Jihoon pouted.

“Aaaahhhh can you stop being cute?” Soonyoung asked with a worried face. “I love you so much Jihoonie.”

“I love you so much too, Soonie. I’m so glad I can say this to you personally.”

xxxx

 

After 5 years…

“Soonie, what time are you going home?”

“I’ll just say goodbye to the staff then I’ll go home already.”

“OK, be careful going home” Jihoon looked at his friends who were currently judging him, “….my love.”

“Yes, my little baby.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

Jihoon hanged up. It was very unusual for their house to be filled with a lot of people but that day was special.

Jihoon was thankful that they got a bigger house already. He didn’t have to go out anymore since they already had a room allotted for it. Jihoon looked at his grand piano in the corner and smiled to himself. The past years may have been difficult for both Soonyoung and him but they would not have done it without each other. Because of his big break, Soonyoung was able to buy a house for them and Jihoon’s projects never stopped coming. Soonyoung was also able to put up his own studio already after becoming an award winning choreographer known as “Hoshi” for the kpop group “Seventeen.”

“Hyung, you’re still sweet to each other even after 10 years.” Seungkwan pointed out.

“Aren’t you like that with Hansol?” Joshua asked.

Seungkwan searched for Hansol. He was also there but he was completely absorbed into playing games on his phone.

“Seungkwan wants to be addressed as ‘my little baby’ as well.” Seokmin chuckled.

Jihoon pouted. “Can you all stop it already? Are all the preparations ready? What’s the plan by the way?”

“We’ll close the lights then you’ll suddenly appear in front of him once he opens the door. Of course, with the cake on your hands.” Jun happily explained, ending his statement with a clap.

“Right.”

“Yah, Cheol, can you stop getting food already? Stop being a kid.” Jeonghan pointed to Seungcheol. “Didn’t we just eat before going here?”

“You surely did because you two just came from a date,” Mingyu interrupted.

“Kim Mingyu!” Seungcheol shouted.

“I can’t believe it, hyung. It took you 8 years to confess to Jeonghan hyung.” Wonwoo smirked.

“Can you stop all the flirting? It makes me cringe.” Chan furrowed his eyebrows. “Myungho hyung can you look at the window? I think Soonyoung hyung’s there already.”

“He’s here. Keep quiet everyone.”

Soonyoung opened the door. The lights were closed so Soonyoung thought no one was home. “Jihoonie?”

_Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to you_

Everyone sang Soonyoung happy birthday. He felt so touched that he was not able to control his tears. “Thank you Jihoonie. Thank you everyone!”

 

~

“Jihoonie, thank you so much.” After all the dinner and the short _noraebang_ session lead by Seungkwan and Seokmin, the two were finally able to rest inside their room

“For?” Jihoon smiled as he sat on the bed and tucked himself under their blanket.

“For not giving up on me, for following me, everything…” Soonyoung reached for Jihoon and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

“What are you being cheesy for? We still have to visit your parents tomorrow and my parents the next day.” Jihoon gave Soonyoung a flick on the forehead. “Aaww!”, exclaimed by Soonyoung.”

“You know I love you so much, right?” Jihoon smiled as he placed right hand on Soonyoung’s left cheek. Soonyoung held onto the same hand. “Of course. I love so much too, Jihoonie.”

“Our relationship may not be that perfect and it may not have been easy for us but what we have now, is the only thing that has made sense ever since. Thank you so much for loving me, Kwon Soonyoung.” Jihoon wrapped his arms around Soonyoung leaned his head on his chest

“Thank you so much too, Ji. Please be mine forever.” Soonyoung ruffled Jihoon’s hair.

“I will. Forever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that’s really it aaaa. Thank you so much for reading, and all the comments and kudos ❤️ I’m sorry if that’s not the ending you’re expecting. Just try to imagine what they’re supposed to do after. Again, comments will be much appreciated. Can’t believe I was able to finish a Seventeen fic already. I really love Soonhoon so I hope I’ll be able to work on another Soonhoon au/fic again in the future. I’m still working on an ongoing Meanie law school au/fic as well in case you’re into Meanie also. Happy birthday to our brightest star Kwon Soonyoung 

**Author's Note:**

> This will be an angsty ride. This will be shorter than the meanie au. Thank you so much for reading! :) 
> 
> Don't forget to follow me on Twitter (@yoonouji) for faster updates.


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